Exospheric Vantage Point

It’s silly season again around here.

No, I’m not referring to the onslaught of political ads with ominous soundtracks that tell me nothing about the candidate, but claim to have all the reasons why I shouldn’t vote for the other guy.

ther, I’m referring to football season.  For some, the return of the Giants, Jets, and Eagles to the gridiron means the return of mental gridlock.  This failure of basic cerebral function takes the form of pronoun bastardization.   As in the Giants fan that proclaims around the water cooler on Monday morning that “we played a good game yesterday, we just couldn’t get it done.”  Or the Jets fan that laments “we are never going to get to the Super Bowl this year” (well, duh).  Or the Eagles fan that asks the very valid question “did you see how we were completely outclassed yesterday, again?”

For those that tend to sound like the preceding, allow me to remind you that if you don’t play for the team, manage the team, or own the team, the correct pronoun is they.   As in “they run a truly classy franchise” (Giants fan). Or, “they really have to send that clown Rex Ryan to the circus” (Jets fan).  Or, “man, they stink” (Eagles fan).

Probably the best place to witness this grammatical seizure is on Facebook.  Post after post, virtual chest sticking out, more exclamation points than letters, claiming “we” this and “we” that.  Really, how do you figure?  Oh, I guess you lined up at outside linebacker on Sunday and used your chicken wing arms and beer gut to break through the offensive line?

When your favorite restaurant adds the latest burger craze to their menu, do you say: “Yeah baby!  We just got the Cheese Curd Triple Bacon Angus Pretzel Steak Fry Burger!!  We are going to kick your restaurant’s kiester back to last year!!!”

If your favorite news outlet is New Jersey Newsroom, do you say “We are going head to head with the Ledger and we are going to take all their readers and advertisers!”

No, of course not. So, why do so many lose command of the English language when it comes to their favorite teams?  Delusions of grandeur?  Megalomania?  One too many skipped English classes in high school?  I do know this: it’s not concussion symptoms from a helmet to helmet collision – because you don’t play for the team!

So remember, if after a winning game you are not the one either dumping the Gatorade, receiving the Gatorade bath, or the entity that purchased the Gatorade, the correct pronoun is they.

Oh well.  I have to run – Kohl’s is closing soon.   We just got the new autumn line of v-neck sweater and I don’t want to drop the ball on this one.

NFL Incites Mental Gridlock: On Sports Fandom and Pronouns